a list of letters

- you've disappointed me more than any friend in a long while. i expected more, like i always do, but i should have listened. i never listen. you don't care about the friendship. all that matters to you are surface problems that really don't matter in the long run. you think you're so wild, so mature, but really you have a lot to learn. you care more about what you could say, rather than what you say. when i reached out to you, you ignored my plea. once again life has showed me that i cannot put important titles on anything because that ruins everything. turns out junior year version of me was right. the only think i have to thank you for is showing me what i should have remembered.

- and here we are, yet another disappointment. i never regret that you're not in our life, and just because one of us cannot speak yet, does not mean you can pretend as though you've always been here. what is it with everyone pretending to make their own selfish egos seem important? you aren't, any of you. it's just like the situation where someone passes away and people who hated them like to pretend like they were best friends with them. why try to fool yourself while simply making yourself look like a fool? you're not wanted, you never have been, and after this, i promise that you won't be.

- to you, thank you for being my genuine friend even when we go without speaking for weeks. thank you for putting sense to random texts that i send you when i feel as though i'm over emotional. thank you for genuinely caring about someone who means so much to me, even though i'm fairly certain you never met him. thank you for just being one of the most wonderful people i know. i've tried to tell you, but i'll probably never get it across like i want to, but just know that your friendship has meant so much to me.

- thank you to everyone who has sent a genuine message, text, comment, right down to the @replies in regards to how my baby brother is doing. the people who honestly cared that he would live through this, cared how my family was doing, and said even if it was the littlest thing that they'd be here for anything. this has caused me to learn so much about people, and every single one of you has meant the world to me and my family.

- and to you, finally, my amazing little brother. our relationship is strange, and we spend way too much time getting on each others nerves, but i love you with everything. i couldn't imagine this world without you in it. you're a strong motherfucker, and i believe that you are invincible. nothing can beat you and you will get through this. i love you with everything, and trust me, i've written more than this little paragraph to you in these past few weeks. i can't express how i feel in words, i'll just have to show you the rest of your lives. i'm so excited to see you grow up and live your life because you deserve to. you weren't taken from us for a reason, bud. you have way to much to offer in this world.